How to gain 8 pounds in one weekend…

I have discovered the secret that many people have been searching for – how can you increase your body fat percentage in a hurry? Stay warmer in cold weather, increase your momentum and wear XL clothes properly – these are the benefits of a husky individual. Well pray no more friends, for the cat is out of the bag. This past weekend, I victoriously gained 8 pounds while eating like a hog in Chicago…let me tell you all about it!

My girlfriend Azucena and I went to Chicago to watch the Strikeforce Challengers show, but we also wanted to try out some authentic Chicago treats.  Our first stop was Vito’s and Nick’s Pizzeria. Vito’s and Nick’s has supposedly the best thin crust pizza in Chi-town – so naturally we wanted to put them to the test. After doing some concrete offroading, (note: Chicago streets are beaten up badly – it looks like Fedor, Brock, GSP and Anderson Silva got sledge hammers and went on a rampage) we got to our destination. It does not look charming in the slightest bit. In fact, upon entering you feel like you jumped back in time about forty years. The walls are lined with furry carpets, which probably retain the smells of several decades. Nevertheless, this place was packed with locals chowing down on pizza and beers. We waited for about 10 minutes, and no one attended us. With our stomachs growling, tempers started to flare. I go up to the bar and try to get the attention of a bartender. Not even a glance in my direction. I am starting to wonder if we died earlier and now are ghosts because it is getting ridiculous. I watch as a couple of cooks are drinking beers out in the open – that does not seem like standard operating procedure. Finally, a hostess appears and brings us to a table.

Not wanting to waste any time, we hastily make our usual pizza order – large pizza with ham and mushrooms. The waitress exhales sharply and puts a funny look on her face. Me and Azucena are confused. She then states in almost an offended tone that they do not serve ham in this restaurant, only italian sausage. We accept her substitute and apologize for any transgression we made towards her restaurant. We then proceeded to wait what seemed like an eternity. We saw a waitress that apparently had worked for an eternity – she was an elderly woman with a strong hunchback, a face that has seen too many pizzas and the walking pace of a raging tortoise. It turns out she was the wife of the store’s founder, who had passed away some decades ago.

While Azucena and I were counting the milliseconds till our food arrived, we were complaining as any hungry and out of patience couple does. Then the moment of truth came – our pizza had finally heard our complaints and came to resolve our disputes, and boy did it ever! The pizza was a large round pie, about 16 inches across, cut into small bite-size squares. We quickly plunged in to feast and understood quickly why they serve sausage – it was fantastic! A good meaty flavor with a hint of spiciness that went perfectly with a crack thin crust pizza. Every bite was better than the next. This was well worth the wait – the adventure was a success. After devastating our enemy and leaving no trace of his existence, our stomachs were pleased. This is one of those places that you put up with because the food is great. Don’t expect attentive service or pleasing decor – Vito’s and Nick’s is all about the food and that they do fantastically well.

I will talk about our other eats in my next blog, after I attempt to work off the eight pounds that I have put on!


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